Maybe it’s the fear of loneliness that makes us settle for less. We always think we can fix them.

Everyone makes mistakes and so we choose to turn a blind eye… Or a black one. One more chance… and another, and another, and another..until we lose count. Now we’re alone on a Friday night, labelling ourselves as depressed and wondering how on Earth Adele’s voice became our only companion. In that moment we realize that in a bid to rekindle the sparks, we’ve set ourselves on fire.

Humans have evolved the need to form relationships as a survival mechanism. We have the innate drive to develop and maintain lasting significant connections. These relationships in their many forms make up a huge part of our life and everyday practices. We seek support,approval and validation, compare emotions, and experience satisfying and terrifying situations together.

Psychology has established that our happiness and/or misery result from one form of relationship or another. Whether it is fulfilment at work, or satisfaction in personal and family life, our emotions and entire human experience are based on these interactions. Therefore it is important to evaluate the role of a relationship in our life. Is this association positive, negative, or potentially negative?

The term “toxic” can be associated with any form of relationship. Family, friends, acquaintances, and romantic partners. People meet, click, and bond…. Or not. Usually, the ones we don’t bond with pose little or no threat to our well being since we let go of them as soon as they come. However, the people we bond with are automatically provided with a foreseeable permanent position in our lives. They are the ones we give the opportunity to become toxic in the long run.

Relationships evolve. They grow, change, crash and burn. Some start off bright and rosy. Some are all shades of wrong from the onset. “Wow, you look so much like my ex”. “You aren’t really beautiful, I’ve met hotter people”. “My friends don’t approve of you, but it’s okay”. Later on, we find ourselves questioning how we missed the signs in the first place. We lose control and begin to define ourselves through the opinions of our partner. Before we realise it, what started off as a passionate and supposedly prefect bond morphs into an ugly association.

Relationships are hardly labelled toxic by the participants. These people are usually oblivious or in denial. The pointers are; cut off friends, anxious family members, unsatisfied employers or clients, poor school reports, and generally a declining personality. Toxic relationships aren’t necessarily the territory of the weak and insecure. Strong and independent people can also find themselves in toxic relationships. It is not your fault you are in a toxic situation, it becomes your fault when you try to “fix” them and change yourself to accommodate their toxicity.

Granted, all relationships have their ups and downs, but the toxic ones always seem to remain at an impasse.Realizing that a relationship is toxic might be the first step for a long and hard process. It takes a lot of courage to just wake up and leave without looking back. It is important to accept the fact that we can exist independent of the other and let go of the fantasy that we can make things work if we try long and hard enough. The toxicity sometimes blinds us and by the time we realize, it may be late, but it is never too late to let go. Even though the cost of leaving may seem high, there is nothing more important than your self worth and well being .

Every relationship is worth fighting for until it is not. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to let go with Grace and Love.

2 thoughts on “UNHAPPILY EVER AFTER.”

  1. When you come to terms with yourself, only then can you realise the damage of a ‘toxic’ mindset on you. A truly well written post! Keep writing, Ay, your words of wisdom are ever necessary.

    Liked by 3 people

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